New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
