walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
