i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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