So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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