Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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