we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
