glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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