my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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