oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
