I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
