New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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