He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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