this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
