You can't special order awesome
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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