so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
