You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
