Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
