Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am available for nakedness
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
