it was like his penis was on wheels.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
