Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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