So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
