well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
