He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
