he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
