I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
