There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
