Slut skills are useful in every country.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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