We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
