I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
