You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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