spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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