There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
