plz talk dirty to me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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