I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
