Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
