I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
