We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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