i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
