Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
