Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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