Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
