and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
