The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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