Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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