Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
