Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
