i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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