Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
