We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
