WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
