Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
