How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
