am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Come share oat with me in your robe
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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