pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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