i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
