I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
