It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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