I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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