At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
