You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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