I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
