if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
